What it's all about.

This post is about many things. But it is about nothing in particular.

It is about music and songs that I want to hate, but cannot because their brilliance cannot be denied. It is about a musical genius, about how that music or any music speaks directly to me. It is about a fantastically performed show, and about awkward handshakes at the end of the fantastically performed show. It is about all that is different this year than it was last year. It is about the disbelief that comes along with the difference. It is about wanting to dance effortlessly; it is about a boy who buys Alice in Wonderland. It is about running into one family, while standing with the other. It is about a strong dislike of nicknames from lost people, about the loss of something and someone precious. It is about acting like a child – not in a child-like way, but in a childish way. It is about feeling strangely good about it too. It is about travel, and the prospect of further travel. It is about Sunday evening and Pictionary, when laughter comes faster than correct guesswork. It is about competitiveness that comes second only to Monica’s. It is about cursing stupid conjunctivitis, which keeps away the giggling idiot. It is about the question that lingers in my head and a pink boy’s – to go or not to go? A question that is not made easy by familiarity. It is about submissions and deadlines, about research and projects. It is about reading Mappings, and feeling yay and jealous at the same time. It is about happy couples – new and old, and wondering when. It’s about the hokey-pokey, and wondering what it’s all about.

I’d like to rephrase my first line.

This post is about many things. But it is about something in particular. It is about life the last few days, and the next few days.

Happy birday to me.

September 11, 2009 – September 11, 2010

On the 1st of January this year, someone asked me to map out 2009 and write it somewhere, lest I forget it. But the first half of the year had nothing worth remembering so I didn’t. The last year of my LIFE, however, has lots of things worth recollecting. So I take that person’s advice now, and map out my 20th year. It’s been an interesting year for me, from the age of 20 to the age of 21. It’s had a lot of ups and downs, goods and bads. But most importantly, it’s been a year of firsts. There are so many things that I did for the first time, so many things that happened to me for the first time.

The first time I didn’t feel bogged down by the annual play, because I just had to act, sing and dance. The first time I met and spoke to a relative I hadn’t met or spoken to since I was a child. The first time I ate sushi. The first time I heartlessly cut off all ties with a person I had cared about nonstop since I was 16 years old. The first time I ever showed someone what I wrote, at the insistence of a new entrant in my life. The first time I had a member of the male species, who was not related to me by blood, over for dinner. The first time I downloaded a song myself, as opposed to asking someone else to download for me. The first time I was in a relationship with someone I didn’t know that well, but with whom I didn’t act like a commitment phobic, emotionally dysfunctional blubbering idiot and with whom being and talking was so easy. The first time I had my heart broken, for reasons I still don’t understand but no longer care about.

The first time I met Rose and Gordon. The first time I traveled overseas. The first time I saw snow, made snowmen/snowangels and had a snowball fight. The first time I was away from my home and my city for such a long period of time. The first time landscape photography really interested me. The first time I opened up to someone I hadn’t even met, telling her things I never told anyone else. The first time the internet became a necessity in my life.

The first time I started taking my car out on a semi-regular basis, at the taunting of a shady character. The first time I missed camp at Kune. The first time I drove a little more than 20kms at a stretch on a highway. The first time I went to Bombay on my own and actually experienced the city, rather than conference halls and hotel rooms. The first time I started working, a job that I never even imagined fit for me. The first time I took a step towards financial independence. The first time I stepped out of my house for the night, and had no questions directed my way. The first time I conquered the illogical fear of technology.

These firsts may not sound earth shattering or life altering to any of you. But to me, they do. I still can’t determine whether it was a good year or a bad one, because the pros balance out the cons. I do know one thing though – if the next year goes like the last one did, I wouldn’t mind so much. There were some really good times that I wouldn’t take back for the world. But I sure hope the pros outnumber the cons next year. HAPPY BIRDAY TO ME.

PS. Not having an internet connection at home, and having a birday on a day that the office is closed makes it difficult to update the blog on time. Happy belated birday to me. The start of 21 has been more than awesome, but that's a blog for another day.