Happy things and happy people

For a while now, I’ve been avoiding visiting Musings. I come to the dashboard of blogger.com, but never click on the “View blog” option – mostly because I’m sick of seeing my latest posts there, with their anger and frustration and sadness and whatnot. I am not a wallower. I am a happy person, with happy thoughts. But, as is evident from the last couple of posts, that side of me hasn’t really emerged for a while. And I was tired of seeing all that anger and sadness as soon as I came to view Musings – my Musings, which is a happy thing. It was created at a happy time, because of happy people, for happy reasons. Its existence began with a lot of the adjective “happy”. Then somewhere along the way, the happiness disappeared. Chinu has been complaining for a while that she doesn’t want to read Musings, because she doesn’t see me in the whole thing – which stings, because Musings is my creation, something I made. So I’ve decided to bring that happiness back, instead of avoiding Musings altogether.

I’ve already done a post about “Happiness” in early November, 2009 – my first and only attempt at writing a poem. But that post was about general happiness, not specific to any one person. It listed all the things that make me, and would make a whole bunch of people, really happy. This post, on the other hand, is specific. It is about my happiness, and the factors that cause it. It is specific to the things and people that make me, and have made me, happy – in the past few days, weeks, months and generally. It’s a list of some of the things and people that I look forward to, that make me happy and that get me excited, that I am in a way thankful for.

The big, round moon in the night sky, which offers a sense of beautiful calm each time that I sit under it. It seems to make my thoughts, my feelings, my emotions and my being feel small. And it makes me think that every little thing is going to be alright and that there was absolutely no need to think and rethink so much. A phone that beeps with texts from a newly acquired shady friend. A friend so shady, that he thinks he’s cooler (with his drinking and poking and dying and whatnot) than me (the peering hamster who is caged by the monuments in her life) and never tires of reminding me about it. My M&M, who are so much better than the actual chocolate. The two people, who, I believe, will love me forever, despite the disappearing act I did for a year in the middle. For long walks and conversations, for food cravings, for venting, for general laughing fits – I know the three of us will always be around, even when we don’t live down the road from one another. Giving and receiving my daily dose of vicarious diaryfaceness, day in and day out, never tiring. The things we wouldn’t tell anyone but which slip out so easily, the never exhausting topics of conversation that all our mails consist of, the length of each mail increasing everyday. A pretty thing in the post, which sums up everything so beautifully, which made me smile incessantly, and which will go everywhere I go once it’s framed. The thought of June and all the “funsies” that will occur, some of it in my house. Yes, my house.

Watching reruns of F.R.I.E.N.D.S. There’s just something about that show, which makes you forget about everything and just sucks you in. I can know all the dialogue, mouth it along with the actors and still find it as funny as I did, the first time I watched it. The girl who sells seashells on the seashore and her insane ability to hit the nail on the head. She’s made me cry twice in the last two days, but I was happier than I would have been laughing. An old card from the Tinglet, found while I was looking through my shoe-box. A card that was given for no reason – other than the fact that she loves me so, a card that makes me realise that no matter how many days, weeks and months pass since we speak to/meet each other – we always pick up from where we left off. Heart-shaped stickers, some of which I will use juvenilely, maybe to express undying love for a fictional character. The routine of chai and cigarettes with Lou&Rog – one that gives me a chance to just chill and be and relax, one that I crib about sometimes because of the distance but actually love.

A mail from a wonderfully yay professor, who is truly the best. Honest to God. She is what D.H.Lawrence talks about, the tree that our “tendrils reach out yearningly” to touch. She lights up the classroom with her wisdom and modesty and eccentricity, while giving you the feeling that she actually cares – which she does. The baby penguin, who loves me and worries for me. I snap at her, like I would at my mother. But she isn’t my mother, even if she’s freakishly like one. She’s a good friend, who I very easily tend to lose patience with and that is a two-way street. But at the end of the day, we’re cool. Always. And that’s how it’s been since the beginning. A big bird, who looks out for me even from faraway Canada. I like how he’s more present in my life now, than he was when he lived in the same city. It’s weird how that happens sometimes. The Laragirl, who I realise I have never really given a nickname. I haven’t met her since her birthday three weeks ago, but the thought of her makes me happy and keeps me going. While we don’t really keep in touch that regularly, I know she’s always around. And so am I, which I know she knows. Well, I hope she does. Camp at Kune, and everything it entails – from standing on the ledge to walking till the waterfall to the night prayer to 11-1 sessions to the Last Supper.

Ah, life. And ah, the small things and big people which make that same life worthwhile.