Last evening, it struck me I don’t have time. Last evening, I realized that I graduate within the next one year. Last evening, I realized I need to know what my next step is, by then. And that thought just completely threw me off balance!
I don’t know why the realization left me staggering. I always knew I’d be out of college soon, and that I should know well before that happens, what I want to be doing. Someone asked me a few weeks ago – “It is ten years from now. People are yelling your name in appreciation. What is it that you have just done?” I had no answer to give them. I could see the people, I could hear them screaming my name, and I could even picture a press conference of some kind. But what it was FOR, I couldn’t visualize for the life of me!
And just when I couldn’t feel worse about not knowing about my own future, I started thinking about all my friends and THEIR futures. Most of them already know what they want and are working towards it. Michelle has her Japanese, Lara has her Architecture, Nikita has Dance, Tejas has Music, David has Events, and Sonali has Design. All of them, have taken something they really, really like and incorporated it into their future plans. As for me, well, I still need to figure out what it is that I like enough to revolve my career around.
Why is this so difficult? Why am I having such a hard time figuring myself out? Isn’t the person who knows you best, you? Then why am I not able to answer the one question that only I can answer? I need to get my act together, I know. I need to figure out what I want to do, and then DO it. Enough of being clueless. I have a little more than a month to get started, get some money… and then get out of here. Maybe go to
4 comments:
I'm not sure whether getting the money and getting out of here has anything to do with it! But I'm sure that the search for purpose is pretty much endless. It may look like some of us have it all figured out, but the truth is (at least for me) that I have 'a path' figured out - for now anyway- and I'm not even sure it's headed the right way. I don't want to know yet. I just want to enjoy what it has to offer, take in the experience that comes along with self discovery. my point is, I don't think we should be looking at "figuring ourselves out" as a hard time- more like, a fun time.
But I totally get where you're coming from. love it n' u! muah!
u still have time...ur blog has actually scared me shitless....im 21 , no clear aim in life, not even remotely near accomplishing somethin....wat am i really doin man wit my life???
@ La - it's the path only, that i need to figure out. just to be able to know some direction.
@ Rohit - ditto. and I don't have time, that's what the whole point of my post is. I was very harshly brought to reality recently.
"..I have a little more than a month to get started, get some money… and then get out of here. Maybe go to Bangalore for a couple of days. Or not. That’s not the point. I just need to figure it out." How you thought like this in 2009 and how its 2011 and we're still figuring out :)
Post a Comment